World Bank Intensifies Efforts to Remove Blinken from Cabinet

After the World Bank’s failed attempt earlier today to pressure and bribe Secretary of State Antony Blinken to resign from his cabinet position and be replaced by ChatGPT in exchange for a billion-dollar payday, their efforts grew more devious with the passage of their deceptive “Mama Blinken Act” by a wide 16-2-0 margin.

The Mama Blinken Act will bribe Antony Blinken’s elderly mother to convince her son to step down from office in exchange for a lump sum. According to World Bank members, Mr. Blinken’s mother said she would convince her son to step down from office if she was paid $10 billion. 

In Round Robin deliberations, the delegate from Vietnam was the first to suggest that the World Bank should “lie” to Blinken’s mother by changing the “B” in the $10 billion agreement to an “M”, cutting her bribe by a factor of one thousand — presuming she would not notice as an older woman whom many members believed to be in mental decline. 

The idea quickly gained traction, with delegates from Mexico and Norway among others excited by the so-called “M for B” plan and delegates energetically working together to form a resolution.

The Mama Blinken Act also added a clause to the World Bank’s agreement with Mr. Blinken’s mother that the money she didn’t spend would go back to the World Bank once she died. The authors, Vietnam, Switzerland, and Norway, said in their concluding speech promoting their resolution that the resolution would keep the World Bank from going deep into debt. 

Though the resolution passed, not everyone was satisfied. During the creation of the act, two dissenters, Bulgaria and Indonesia, were dismayed by the lack of focus on loan reform and climate change, timely topics for their developing nations. 

The delegate from Indonesia said that as “a country whose capital city is sinking and also experiencing rising sea levels,” she didn’t want to prioritize AI so completely, characterizing her colleagues as “swept up” by the Blinken project. The delegate from Bulgaria further criticized the focus on the project, saying, “It’s throwing money at a problem that they made.”

This article was written by Julia Critz.